Funny Money Quotes

Good quotes summarize big ideas in just a few words. They inspire, motivate and encourage in unforgettable ways. In my book, Retirement Before Mom and Dad, I use quotes to drive home important principles of personal finance and investing. With that in mind, I’ve compiled the top 100 quotes about money.

There is nothing more inspiring than a good quote.  And nothing is funnier than finding amazing funny money quotes.

See also: Top 15 Bob Proctor Money Affirmations for Attracting Money and Wealth

I searched the internet for some of the funniest and most inspirational money quotes money can buy. Okay, not really.

I’m always looking for good quotes about money and honestly got tired of always looking for them. I thought it would be much easier to put them all in one place 🙂 .

My favourite money quote is : Money is just something you will always need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)  – Wall Street

So here you have it … here are the Top 50 funny money quotes and inspirational quotes about money.

If I missed your favorite, please share it in the comments below.

Best Funny Money Quotes

1. “Money is like a sixth sense – and without it you can’t use the other five.” – William Somerset Maugham

2. “Money, if it doesn’t bring you happiness, will at least help you feel good.” – Helen Gurley Brown

3. “Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.” – Woody Allen

4. “Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money. ” – Jackie Mason

5. “It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white. The only color that really matters is green.” – Family Man

6. “Money is the opposite of weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it. ”
– Rebecca Johnson

7. “The surest way to double your money is to flip it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard

8. “A bank is a place where you can borrow money if you can prove you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope

9. “Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams

10. “Money has never been a big motivator for me, except to score points. The real excitement is playing the game. ” – Donald Trump

11. “The trick is to stop thinking of it as” your “money.” – IRS auditor

12. “Dogs don’t have money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke all their lives. But they get by. You know why dogs don’t have money? .. No pockets. ” – Jerry Seinfeld

13. “Money is the best deodorant.” – Elizabeth Taylor

14. “Those who marry for love without money have good nights and sad days.” – Anonymous

15. “Everyone who lives within his means suffers from a lack of imagination.” – Oscar Wilde

16. “Every day I get up and look at the Forbes list of the richest people in America. When I’m not there, I go to work. ” – Robert Orben

17. “Money often costs too much.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

18. “Money will buy you a beautiful dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.”- Richard Friedman

19. “If you feel that no one cares whether you are alive, try missing a few car payments.” – Earl Wilson

20. There is a very easy way to come back from a casino with a small fortune: Go there with a big one. ~ Jack Yelton

21. Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due. ~ Author unknown

22. No matter how tightly you hug your money, it never hugs back. ~ Quoted in P.S. I love you, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

23. inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~ Sam Ewing

24. Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence. ~ Max Amsterdam

25. Always borrow money from a pessimist; he expects no repayment. ~ Author unknown

26. If you lend someone $20 and never see them again, it was probably worth it. ~ Author unknown

27. I don’t really like money, but it calms my nerves. ~ Joe Louis

28. “Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.” – Will Smith

29. Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions. ~ A.A. Latimer

30. Money is like crap. You have to spread it around or it smells. ~ J. Paul Getty

31. Women prefer men who have something delicate about them – especially the legal ones. ~ Kay Ingram

32. Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer. ~ Author unknown

33. Money often costs too much. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

34. The waste of money cures itself, for soon there will be no more waste. ~ M.W. Harrison

35. “I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention. ~ Ron Kittle, 1987

36. it frees you from things you don’t like. Since I don’t like to do almost anything, money is handy. ~ Groucho Marx

37. We live our lives by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold always make the rules. ~Buzzie Bavasi

38. The economy depends on economists about as much as the weather depends on weather forecasts. ~ Jean-Paul Kauffmann

39. I have an experience without money. ~ Author unknown

40. if there were no women, all the money in the world would have no meaning. ~ Aristotle Onassis

41. money is not the most important thing in life, but it comes pretty close to oxygen on the “must have” scale. ~ Zig Ziglar

42. people are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon no doubt necessitated by the 30-year mortgage. ~ Doug Larson

43. if inflation continues to rise, you’ll have to work like a dog to live like one. ~ George Gobel

44. A dollar picked up on the street is more satisfactory to us than the 99 we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market cuddles into our hearts in the same way. ~ Mark Twain

45. if all economists were lined up, they would never reach a conclusion. ~ George Bernard Shaw

46. intaxation: euphoria of getting a refund from the IRS that lasts until you realize it was your money to begin with. ~ From a Washington Post

47. “What is worth doing is worth doing for money.” – Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas – Wall Street

48. “You fool! You’re 30 cents away from a quarter! ” – Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris) Does the Right Thing

49. “The best way to hurt rich people is to turn them into poor people.”- Billy Ray Valentine’s (Eddie Murphy)

50. “A fool and his money are lucky to get together at all.” – Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street

Top 100 Money Quotes of All Time By Forbes

1. Too many people spend money they’ve earned … to buy things they don’t want … To impress people they don’t like. – Will Rogers

2. A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart. – Jonathan Swift

3. Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants. – Epictetus

4. Money often costs too much. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

5. Every day is a bank account and time is our currency. No one is rich, no one is poor, we each have 24 hours. – Christopher Rice

6. It’s how you handle mistakes that determines how you achieve success. – David Feherty

7. Frugality embraces all other virtues. – Cicero

8. I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. I got myself a pair of socks for $300. I got a fur wash sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline-powered turtleneck. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too. – Steve Martin

9. An investment in knowledge pays best. – Benjamin Franklin

10. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenses nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds should and six, result misery. – Charles Dickens

11. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. –Thomas Edison

12. What we really want to do is what we are really supposed to do. When we do what we’re supposed to do, money comes to us, doors open for us, we feel useful, and the work we do feels like play to us. – Julia Cameron

13. I never try to make money in the stock market. I buy on the assumption that they might close the market the next day and not open it again for ten years. – Warren Buffett

     

14. A nickel isn’t worth a dime anymore. – Yogi Berra

15. Money has never made a man happy, and it never will. The more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of filling a vacuum, it makes one. – Benjamin Franklin

16. Many people do not care about their money until they are almost at the end of it, and others do exactly the same with their time. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

17. Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune. – Jim Rohn

18. Money is just a tool. It will get you where you want to go, but it will not replace you as a driver. – Ayn Rand

19. Financial peace is not acquiring stuff. It is learning to live on less than you earn so you can give money back and have money to invest. You cannot win until you do this. – Dave Ramsey

20. It is not the man who has too little, but the man who demands more, who is poor. – Seneca

21. It is not the employer who pays the wages. Employers only care about the money. It is the customer who pays the wages. – Henry Ford

22. He who loses money loses much; he who loses a friend loses much more; he who loses faith loses everything. – Eleanor Roosevelt

23. Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it is in the joy of success, in the thrill of creative effort. – Franklin D. Roosevelt

24. Empty pockets held no one back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can. – Norman Vincent Peale

25. It’s good to have money and the things money can buy, but it’s also good to check every once in a while and make sure you haven’t lost the things money can’t buy. – George Lorimer

26. You can only be truly accomplished in something you love. Don’t make money your goal. Instead, pursue the things you love to do, and then do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off you. – Maya Angelou

27. Buy when everyone else is selling, and hold until everyone else is buying. That’s not just a catchy slogan. It’s the essence of successful investing. – J. Paul Getty

28. If money is your hope for independence, you’ll never have it. The only real security a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability. – Henry Ford

29. If all economists were strung together, they would never come to any conclusion. – George Bernard Shaw

30. How many millionaires do you know who got rich by investing in savings accounts? I rest my case. – Robert G. Allen

31. I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a rich relative just before he died. – Malcolm Forbes

32. Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower. – Steve Jobs

33. The true measure of your wealth is how much you would be worth if you lost all your money. –Anonymous

34. Money is a terrible master, but an excellent servant. – P.T. Barnum

35. Try to save something while your salary is low. It is impossible to save after you have earned more. – Jack Benny

36. Wealth is the ability to experience life fully. – Henry David Thoreau

37. The individual investor should consistently act as an investor, not a speculator. – Ben Graham

38. I am a firm believer in luck, and the harder I work, the more I get out of it. – Thomas Jefferson

39. You must gain control of your money or lack of it will control you forever. – Dave Ramsey

40. Investing should be more like watching paint dry or watching grass grow. If you want excitement, take $800 and go to Las Vegas. – Paul Samuelson

41. Every time you borrow money, you rob your future self. – Nathan W. Morris

42. Rich people have small TVs and big libraries, and poor people have small libraries and big TVs. – Zig Ziglar

43. Never spend your money before you have it. – Thomas Jefferson

44. The stock market is full of people who know the price of everything, but the value of nothing. – Hillip Fisher

45. Wealth is not his who has it, but his who enjoys it. – Benjamin Franklin

46. It’s not how much money you make, it’s how much money you keep, how hard it works for you, and how many generations you keep it for. – Robert Kiyosaki

47. I haven’t failed. I just found 10,000 ways that don’t work. – Thomas A. Edison

48. If you don’t value your time, others won’t either. Stop giving away your time and talents. Value what you know and charge for it. – Kim Garst

49. I’m going to tell you the secret to getting rich on Wall Street. You try to be greedy when others are afraid. And you try to be fearful when others are greedy. –Warren Buffett

50. Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently.

    They don’t like rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. They can quote them, disagree with them, glorify them or slander them.

    They can only ignore them. Because they change things. They drive humanity forward. And while some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do. – Steve Jobs

What’s your favorite quote about money?

Reference: Goodfinancialcents.com