Key Takeaways
- Recurring team problems are often less about the team and more about the leader — running an honest self-audit can reveal the blind spots driving the pattern.
- Real leadership growth comes not from trying to fix everything at once, but from identifying one or two habits to refine while leaning into the strengths that already make you effective.
When something isn’t working on your team, it’s natural to look outward first.
We examine performance, processes, communication and accountability. We ask why people aren’t meeting expectations or why the same problems keep showing up. Sometimes those things are the issue. But over the years, I’ve learned that recurring leadership challenges often have a common denominator: me.
Before I make assumptions about my team, I try to run what I call an emotional pattern audit. These five questions help me identify blind spots before those blind spots become barriers.
1. What problem keeps showing up repeatedly?
One of my favorite tools for self-awareness is the Enneagram because it highlights how you behave when you’re thriving versus when you’re stressed. The greatest strength a leader can have is knowing their own weaknesses.
When I notice the same frustration appearing over and over again, I stop focusing on the individual situation and start looking for the pattern. If the same challenge keeps showing up with different people or under different circumstances, there’s usually something deeper worth examining. Patterns often reveal issues that a single event cannot.
2. What role might I be playing in that pattern?
This is often the hardest question to answer honestly. For years, I thought I had a delegation problem. I couldn’t understand why everything seemed to come back to me. Then I realized I wasn’t struggling with delegation at all. I was struggling with my own understanding of my role.
I explained this recently using family photos. When my children were little, I was always the one holding the camera. I was organizing everyone and managing the moment instead of simply being in it. In business, I was doing the same thing. Instead of focusing on my responsibilities as the owner, I kept stepping into responsibilities that belonged to other people. I was unintentionally preventing ownership.
3. Am I expecting my team to be as invested as I am?
One of the hardest lessons I learned was accepting that my team will never care about the business the way I do. That’s not because they aren’t committed. In fact, they work for me because they’re committed to educating children and care about it deeply. However, that investment has a different lens than that of an owner. They’re simply not going to care about the same things I care about to the same degree that I care as the owner.
For a long time, I found myself frustrated when people didn’t show the same level of passion or urgency that I felt. Eventually, I realized I was expecting people to experience the business through my lens instead of theirs. Once I adjusted that expectation, I became a better leader because I stopped measuring commitment by whether someone thought exactly like me.
Sometimes, the feedback we’re least willing to hear is that we need to adjust our expectations, not our people.
4. Who has permission to tell me when I’m off course?
Every leader needs someone who can see what they can’t. For me, that’s often my husband. I’m a visionary by nature, which means I’m usually thinking years ahead. While that’s one of my greatest strengths, it can also become a blind spot.
Whenever I get too focused on the future, my husband jokes that I’m Icarus flying too close to the sun. What he’s really telling me is that while I’m looking at the horizon, there are things happening right in front of me that need my attention. I have similar people at work, too, people who can prod me back onto the right path.
The best leaders don’t surround themselves with people who always agree with them. They surround themselves with people who are willing to tell them the truth.
5. Am I acting from intention or habit?
Once you’ve identified a pattern, the next question is whether it’s something that can actually change. There are things about me that I can improve. I can communicate more clearly. I can create better systems. I can be more intentional in how I lead. There are also things that are simply part of who I am. I’m always going to be a visionary. I’m always going to care deeply about people.
Growth doesn’t happen when we try to become someone else, but when we learn to refine the habits that hold us back while leaning into the strengths that make us effective.
Turning awareness into action
Identifying a pattern is only the beginning. The next step is deciding whether it’s something you can change and then creating a simple plan to address it. One mistake I see leaders make is trying to fix everything at once. If you discover that you’re avoiding difficult conversations, struggling with delegation or creating confusion through unclear communication, don’t create a ten-step improvement plan. Pick one area and focus on making consistent progress.
I like to identify no more than three action items. For example, if clarity is the issue, I might commit to ending every meeting with clearly defined ownership and next steps. If delegation is the issue, I might choose one responsibility to fully hand off instead of continuing to check in on it. If emotional awareness is the issue, I might ask a trusted colleague to tell me when they notice I’m operating from stress instead of intention.
Just as importantly, check back in with the people affected by the change. Ask whether they’re seeing improvement and whether there’s anything you’re still missing. Leadership growth isn’t about making assumptions. It’s about creating feedback loops that help you improve over time.
The leaders who grow the fastest aren’t the ones who never have blind spots. They’re the ones willing to identify them, work on them, and measure their progress honestly.
